Now What?
by ByWillowy
Summary: Based off a tweet AJ sent to Matthew last night about 'second base'.
1. Chapter 1

"You only got to _second?"_ JJ said, her eyes catching his.

"What? What are you talking about? Second base, what's… oh."

Reid flushed red as he took her meaning.

"I didn't… I mean…JJ I…," he stammered.

She stood up and beamed at him, dusting her Cheeto fingers off on her jeans, then rested her hands on his shoulders as she passed him. She leaned down and whispered "Don't worry Spence, somebody will show you how to hit a home run one of these days."

She ruffled his hair and laughed, moving away to find little Henry. Whenever they came to Emily's bbqs he had a habit of running off with Sergio, the cat.

Spencer was mortified. First, that _wasn't_ what he had meant, he had just been playing a board game with that girl in the park. Secondly, secondly…

"_If I could choose anyone to show me how to hit a home run it would be you,"_ he thought.

He'd always thought that, always wanted it. But there was never time, and circumstance and the job always came between them. He knew she loved him, but he never was able to quite gauge just how much, or in what way. She flirted, she looked out for him, and was always the first to touch him, to hold him when something went bad, or there was cause for celebration.

But then she had met Will, and had Henry, and though he was his godfather, and he loved the child with all his heart… it wasn't _everything_ he really wanted. But he'd take it. Who was he, anyway? Just a skinny weird guy who knew things. He was grateful for the affection that existed between them. He never wanted to ruin that, or to call too much attention to it, lest she take it away.

What would she say if she knew the truth… if she ever found out that he was in love with her? Part of him always wanted to tell her, to just blurt it out sometime when they were alone. He knew though, he didn't have the courage. So he convinced himself that it was more courageous, more romantic to keep it to himself. At least that way, she'd never be able to take it away from him.

"Hey Spence, wanna throw the football with me?" she came up behind him, startling him out of his reverie.

It took a moment for him to understand that she was serious, as she stood there tossing it back and forth in her hands, her eyebrows raised. Nobody ever asked him to do anything sporty.

"JJ I don't usually…"

"Aw c'mon, it'll be fun! She smiled at him warmly and he stood up.

He looked over at Derek Morgan who was manning the grill and his big friend smiled and gave him a 'thumbs up'.

Spencer took off his blazer, trotting into the back yard with her, and she tossed him the ball as they moved apart. He tossed it to her in a reasonable approximation of how he'd seen it done and she caught it with a _smack._

"Hey, good arm, Spence!" she said as she threw it back to him. He beamed at her and caught his breath as she grinned at him. As they threw it back and forth he found that she had been right. It _was_ fun, made all the moreso because of how she looked at him.

* * *

JJ ended up driving him home after the party and they talked easily and laughed at the day's events. As she pulled into his driveway he unbuckled and prepared to hop out. With Henry asleep in his carseat he didn't want to delay them more than necessary. She surprised him by killing the engine and saying "Hey, don't be in such a rush."

Spencer did a double-take and looked at her. The profiler in him kicked in and he noticed her hands in her lap were fidgeting, and she looked down, almost shy.

"Okay. I just didn't want to keep you… something on your mind?" he asked.

"I feel bad," she began.

He cocked his head and said "For what?"

"For that 'home run' remark today. Spence, it was really out of line and I'm sorry I said it. Its been bothering me all day." She looked up at him.

He flushed, embarrassed as the realization hit him. So that's why she'd asked him to toss the ball. That's why she had sat next to him all afternoon, ate next to him and refreshed his drink when it got low. Not because she wanted his company, but because she'd felt bad.

It was amazing how instantly all the joy drained out of his day. He looked at her, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"You're a very sensitive man, and I know that you do everything at your own pace… and I'm sorry that I even thought for a moment it was okay to respond that way. It was just a stupid reflex and – "

"Don't mention it," he said, his voice flat. He reached for the door handle and got out of the car, walking quickly to his door. He reached into his jacket pocket for his keys and was surprised to find his vision blurry as he tried to get the key in the lock, hot tears of embarrassment stinging behind his eyes.

JJ jumped out of the car and ran up to the door just as Spencer opened it. She looked back at Henry sleeping, and stopped. "Spence!" she said.

He stopped then too, his back to her and said "Go home, JJ. It's fine."

"No, it's not, and I want-"

Spencer turned around and closed the gap between them in two long strides. "What is it you 'want', JJ?" he said, his voice deeper than she'd ever heard.

He reached up and took her face in his hands and pressed his mouth to hers in the warmest, most skillfully sensuous kiss she'd ever felt. Her eyes flew open as he slid his lips seductively across hers, slipping his tongue out slightly and moistening her lips just as he felt her respond. She whispered a light moan of surprise, and of pleasure as their lips locked, delicately devouring each other. The warmth of his kiss deepened as their ardor grew, and she melted herself against him, her hands getting lost in his soft hair, pulling him to her and deepening their kisses. He pulled back slightly and whispered "JJ…" against her mouth. She felt the warm curl of desire starting in her lower abdomen as his nose battled softly back and forth against hers and she was caught up in his passion, hers rising to meet his own. Her breath started coming harder and as her eyes closed she marveled at the depth of her emotion, how right this felt. This was _Spence_.

He broke the kiss and looked at her, her eyes flashing open and meeting his, seeing the bright, unshed tears from earlier. They were breathing hard now, the dim porch light casting a warm glow over them both. She felt rather than saw the depth of his emotion, his honesty, and she touched his face as he said, resolute, "I've never been to second base with anyone JJ, because I've never wanted to be there with anyone but you."

Her expression was so soft as she looked into his eyes and said "Why… why didn't you ever say anything?"

He looked at her face, loving that little line between her eyebrows she got when she was confused, her lips still swollen, and he wanted nothing more in this world than to kiss her again.

"Go home, JJ." He released her and turned to go back inside.

"Wait Spence, _what?_ You can't just – I mean, can we… can we talk about this?"

"Yes. Tomorrow. Nothing's going to change tonight and you have to get Henry to bed. Goodnight." He gently closed the door.

JJ stood staring at the closed door for a minute, her mind whirling. She could knock, or she could go busting in there… except that he was right. She needed to get Henry home and nothing would get resolved tonight. Where the hell had he learned to _kiss_ like that? He was wrong about one thing, though, she thought as she walked back to the truck, her hand touching her lips. _Everything had changed tonight. _


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer leaned back against the door, his eyes closed, his heart racing. He was exhilarated… and he was terrified.

What had he just done? God, had he ruined it all? Their friendship, their kinship, their closeness? He would die if that were true. He could not imagine his life without her, without Henry...

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. He had taken a risk - that is what he had done. What remained to be seen was if the risk had been worth it. Nothing ventured, nothing ever gained, he knew. Well, he had certainly ventured. It had taken him long enough.

"_God her lips were so soft,"_ he thought. _"She smelled, she tasted so beautiful, so perfect… just like I'd always imagined." _

His terror was secondary only to his arousal, and he undid his tie impatiently, pacing, wanting all his clothing off _right now_. He strode back to his bedroom, stripping as he went. His perfect mind recalled every second of their encounter, and he thought back to and reveled in her response.

He knew she had felt it, the way she had kissed him back was so warm and passionate…, he could still taste her. Still, it was possible he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life. He knew he was an idiot for thinking any of this. He knew he'd fucked this up.

It was worth it.

* * *

JJ's cheeks were flaming hot the entire drive home, and she couldn't stop thinking about his lips on hers. His gentle approach, his increasing insistence, his taste, his hands on her face, his… ahh, god she needed to stop this! What even _was_ this? She raked her hand through her hair and tried to think.

_And Will. _

Okay, okay, so this was just a thing. Spence told her something, something very important tonight, but it didn't have to be all huge and wreck everything. They were adults, they were… they were… oh god.

JJ pulled into her driveway, still no more clear in what she needed to do than when she'd left his place. She'd run through every possible scenario, from ignoring what happened, to scooping up Henry and running away with Spence, and not one single thing stood out to her as workable, as real.

This morning her personal life had been easy, predictable, on an even keel, a safe harbor - all the comforting nautical cliches. Tonight, it was chaos. And part of her didn't know if that was a bad thing. Part of her wanted it. Wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. She loved him so much, no doubt. But did she love him like that?

_And Will. _

What would this do to him? He had wrapped his entire life around her and Henry and sacrificed so much. His contribution to them and love for them both was undeniable. How could she even think of a possible… but this was her Spence. He matters.

_And oh god here was Will-_

"Hey! Hi!" she said, a little too loudly as he came around and opened her door. He put his finger to his lips as she shouted, and she embraced him, held him a little too tightly maybe. He hugged her back, looked at her funny, then opened Henry's door and gently unlocked the sleeping boy from his carseat, lifting him out.

JJ grabbed her purse and Henry's bag and ran a little ahead of them to open the door. Will met her there and whispered "Looks like you all had some fun today."

JJ smiled nervously and said "Yeah, he's tuckered out."

Will took the sleeping child to his room to tuck him in and JJ went immediately to the bathroom, turning on the shower.

"I'll be out in a minute," she called. She stripped and jumped into the hot stream, lifting her face to it as if it could wash off the memory of Spencer's kisses. She scrubbed, and turned her back to the spray, dropped her head back and let the warm water do its best to clear her conflicted mind.

She came out to the living room in her fluffy robe, where Will had candles burning and a hot mug of herbal tea waiting for her. He'd been filing reports all night, so he was happy to close his laptop and hold JJ as she snuggled against him. He had old N'Awlins jazz down low on the system and he touched his lips to her still-damp hair as they held each other on the couch.

"Anything interesting with the BAU gang today?" He asked.

"I threw a football with Spence," she answered.

"Should I call the media?" he murmured.

"Not yet," she replied, her eyes wide open and glittering as her arms encircled him.

"Not yet."


	3. Chapter 3

JJ didn't know what she was going to say when next she saw Spence. In the clear light of day what seemed to be the best thing to do was to just pretend that it didn't happen. They could discuss it and come to an agreement, and maybe in time they could forget.

She began removing old info off the whiteboard when she felt rather than heard someone come in. She turned quickly around and started to see him standing on the other side of the conference table, hands in pockets, the strap of his ever-present messenger bag across his sweater-vested chest. He didn't look any different than any other day. He looked amazing.

"Hi," he said. His voice soft. "Need any help?"

Oh god.

"You're here early," she said, turning back to her task at the board, avoiding his gaze.

"I didn't sleep."

She stopped taking down crime scene photos and turned to look at him.

"Spence, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything about last night. Can we just-"

"JJ", he interrupted her softly, using the same tone as when he kissed her last night. "I'm not one bit sorry." He caught her eyes with his, keeping very still, hands still in his pockets. "I've been waiting for years to say that to you, to feel what I felt last night, and for you to feel what I know you did."

"Don't presume."

"Please let me finish. I risked what I did, our friendship and the status quo because I can't… wait any longer for you to know. Our closeness means everything to me. With you _and_ Henry. But it isn't enough and I'm tired of pretending that it is.

She stood, riveted, listening to his every word, her heart beating faster, her hands shaking.

"We've always been… 'more than', JJ. More than co-workers, more than friends, more than any kind of brother/sister thing people try to label us with. I trust you _more than_ anyone I know in this world. I come to you with everything." He took his hands out of his pockets and leaned them on the conference table in front of him. "This is the last and only thing we never talked about, and the most important. How could I not come to you with this? I love you, Jennifer Jareau. I've loved you for years. And I'm not sorry." He straightened up with that last part and stood quiet.

They stood looking at each other for some minutes, waves of emotion passing between them. JJ felt rooted to the spot, drinking in his soft gaze and telegraphing the depth of her emotion by her silence. She couldn't believe he'd said it. It made her heart flutter and filled her with terror at the same time. She wasn't used to this, this extreme high… she had… comfortable. She had routine, she had dependability… she didn't have passion. She didn't have this intensity that he was stirring in her.

"Spence, I…"

The team chose that moment to begin filing in for her briefing. Spencer shook his head and left the room, Garcia watched him go and Hotch came over to JJ and took a file.

"Good morning JJ, are you ready to begin?" Hotch asked as he looked through the file.

"Uh… yes sir. Just one minute… I need to get something…"

"We need to get started," he said

"One minute, sir," she said as she moved quickly out of the room, nearly running into Morgan in the doorway.

"Something I said?" He watched JJ head for the stairwell, then smiled as he squeezed Penelope's shoulder in passing, making his way to his seat.

JJ pushed open the heavy door, and ran down the stairs as fast as her heels would let her. She caught up to him by the second landing and nearly knocked him over.

"Whoa, hey JJ what-" he said

"Ssh! Shutup!" she said as she crashed into him, clutching him to her and kissing him hard. He returned it as his arms went around her, holding her tight and strong against him. She pushed him against the wall and said "Shh, just kiss me, god Spence…" and he did. He pulled her tighter against himself as his heart soared at her being in his arms. She broke the kiss and looked at him. She smiled and said, breathless… "I do love you Spence… _my_ Spence. I don't know what any of it means right this moment, but I _do_…" she pulled him close and murmured into his ear _"I love you…"_ and she kissed him again right there, right in the stairwell of the FBI.

Spencer walked into the briefing room with JJ on his heels. He put his hands up as the team looked at them and quickly moved to his seat. "Sorry, sorry! I needed JJ's help with…a personal matter. Sorry." Hotch scowled, then quickly looked up at JJ.

She smoothed her hair and grabbed the remote. "Let's get started, alright? This is Josie Campbell, victim number one, last seen…"

* * *

On the jet Spencer tried to get comfortable, and JJ brought him a cup of herbal tea.

"Thought this might help you get a little shuteye." And as she leaned down to hand it over she whispered "Since I know you didn't get any last night…".

He looked at her like she was made of gold and took the tea gratefully. "Thank you, thanks," he said, as she moved to cover him with a blanket, tucking the edges around him. Their eyes met and it was all she could do not to touch his beautiful face.

"Hey howcome pretty boy over there's getting all the special treatment?" Morgan raised his voice to ask, lifting up his headphone.

JJ looked over at him, hands on her hips and said "Hey! He hasn't been… feeling right, lately, leave him alone."

Morgan looked around JJ. "That right, kid? You sick?"

Reid looked up at JJ, mischief in his eyes and without breaking eye contact said "Oh, just some… weird chest pains. I'll be okay. Feeling much better, actually."

JJ almost punched him, but Morgan just went back to listening to his music and looking out the window. She made a pretense of bending down to re-tuck Spencer's blanket and whispered. "Chest pains?"

He just grinned and sipped his tea, looking for all the world like the innocent invalid.

The case wasn't proceeding fast enough. All the team's usual tricks weren't yielding the expected results, and the team was frustrated and getting discouraged. They were in a small town, so local law enforcement was already stretched to maximum efficiency. By the end of the third day, everyone was exhausted. It had been a hell of a week.

JJ had talked with Henry for at least an hour each night, but kept her conversations with Will short and perfunctory. She knew she was going to have to be honest with him when they returned home. He deserved that and much more… he was such a good man. Still, she couldn't deny her heart's true desire and she knew her life, her and Henry's life, would be happier and more fulfilled in the long run. Once that was done, it remained to be seen how the rest would play out.

All she knew was that she wanted and needed to be with Spence, needed him in her life, and not as just a friend. Not any more. It was all she could do not to go to his motel room at night. She'd lay in bed thinking about him. How he'd feel lying next to her, how he'd feel on top of her, inside her… her yearning for him grew with this enforced inability to be together, and it was another source of frustration. Ever since he'd kissed her and they'd admitted their true feelings for each other, it was hard to not think of the ways she wanted to be with him, the things she wanted to show him. Second base? Right. She'd show him a _stadium_ full of home runs.

As if on cue there was a quiet knock at her door. Her heart leapt into her throat just knowing it was him. It was. Spencer stood outside, his hands in his pockets like always, looking adorable. He cocked his head and looked at her, his intent clearly written on his guileless face.

"Hi. I can't sleep."

She grinned and pulled him in, closing the door behind him and slamming him up against it. She hadn't touched or kissed him in three days and it was like someone opened the floodgates. Spencer's mouth on hers inflamed her, his response evident in how instantly hard he was, his soft moans driving her crazy as his lips pressed against her throat. God his smell and the feel of his hands in her hair was like a drug. She needed to feel him closer, needed to have him pressing against her. She tiptoed, took his earlobe in her teeth, gently nibbling and she heard him gasp as her hands disappeared into his hair. She pulled him to the bed and she moved to unbuckle his belt and it took every ounce of strength he had to say-

"JJ, we… ahhh, JJ we… stop… _stop JJ!"_

She looked up at him, breathing hard and seeing his flushed face, the love in his eyes, his hard cock visible beneath his zipper and she said breathlessly "What, Spence, god, what?"

"C'mere, c'mere…" He reached for her then and held her as they both moved to sit on the bed. He rocked her and was breathing so hard, she was too. And he just held her and didn't say anything at first, just catching his breath, his hand stroking her hair. Then he said "JJ I love you so much, and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to say but we… we can't do this, I can't do this… as long as you're still with Will."

Their eyes met and JJ pressed her lips together. She took his hands and entwined them with hers and said "Spence… you're right. I'm so sorry. Uhhhhhh!" she exhaled as she flopped backwards onto the bed. "Of course you're right. Ugh, I'm so selfish and stupid! She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes.

"No," Spencer said. "You are neither of those things." He rolled on top of her, and couldn't resist pressing his hardness against her center. He looked into her vivid blue eyes, and reached up to smooth a lock of her hair back. "And I'm just as guilty," he whispered. "I want you more than I want _oxygen_ right now… but it… we just can't." He pushed his erection against her once more, emphasizing his need, and she smiled, pushing back against him.

"I've never had this kind of passion. Not for anyone." She smiled. "You are in _so_ much trouble when this is all… when we can…"

"Oh, I _know that_, I do." He smiled at her. "And I look forward to it more than you can imagine." He sat up, slowly. "Can I still be in here with you for a while? I really can't sleep."

JJ rolled her eyes, sighing heavily on purpose. "Oh, I guess so." She smiled warmly at him, stroking his face. "Let's play some cards like we always do, sound good?"

"You're so gonna lose," he said.

"Whatever, Vegas-boy. Just deal."


	4. Chapter 4

The case closed, the UnSub caught, the team were on the jet and headed home, most of them asleep. JJ sat with her head leaning against the window, looking out. She felt the dread building in her gut as she contemplated what she must do, what must come next. She knew Will would be waiting for her, clueless, with no inkling of what was to come, how his entire life was about to change, and not for the better. She hated how terribly this would hurt him.

Not for the first time, JJ thought about just calling it off with Spence. How much simpler it would be to just end their budding relationship and move forward with Will like nothing had ever happened. Except she couldn't do that. Every square inch of her soul needed to be able to be with him, her yearning for him was palpable - almost a physical entity that she could hold in her hand, and she knew it was the same for him. It felt so good to finally acknowledge the truth of it. She looked over at him sleeping and wished she could go to him, to curl up beside him and stroke his hair, feel his warmth, smell his clean, slightly spicy scent.

God, sweet man, he had endured this far longer than she had. Waited, respected her choice, denied his own feelings for years thinking it was the best thing because she was happy. And she had been, or some semblance of it. She had resigned herself to living with what worked. Will was a good man, they had their son, their careers… and there was no denying that he was madly in love with her. So she pushed down her own lack of passion, her own… emptiness. She filled her life with her job and her friends and went home every night to the warm sweater that was Will. Until Spence had kissed her.

Within that kiss was her release, the unraveling of her old life, and she knew it. That kiss had held every promise of the future she wanted, needed, and couldn't live without and she could not deny it any longer. She had been doing the thing that 'made sense' for so long, and it was a huge wake up call that she needed to change. She needed to be brave and do the right thing and Spencer's love, his patient and undeniable love, gave her the courage. She was _so in love _with him. Something she'd never been with Will, bless him. She now knew why she had never married him. It was all so vividly clear, now.

Spencer stirred, turning over. She watched him as he opened his eyes and looked at her. His silent expression of warm, deep love made her catch her breath, sending a sliver of joy slicing through her heart, and she sent it right back to him. God if the team caught them looking at each other like that it was all over. They'd all know soon enough, but for now it was just between the two of them, and she secretly reveled in it. She gripped the armrests of her seat, willing herself to sit still and not go to him, climb on him, kiss him madly right then and there. They stayed like that looking at each other for a long time. She felt the jet begin its descent and she blinked, trying hard to focus on the next step. "Soon," she told herself.

* * *

Spencer sat up and scrubbed his hands over his face. He stood and walked back to the bathroom, touching JJ's shoulder as he walked by her, and waking up Morgan on his way past. He closed the door behind him and ran the water, cupping his hands and splashing some onto his face, rinsing the sleep out of his eyes. He hadn't had much lately and it had felt good to nap hard like that. Of course it was also nice that he'd dreamt of JJ. That in itself was nothing new, but the dreams were different now. Deeper. Now when his dream-self held her in his arms and she looked up at him with love, he knew what it felt like in real life as well.

His sweet reverie was cut short as he thought about what was waiting for her on the ground. What she was going to have to do made his heart ache for her and yes, for Will too. This was not going to be a happy night, for either of them, he knew. He wished he could help somehow or make it easier for them. Logic told him if he tried to interfere it would just make things worse, but he would make sure she knew that he had her back in every sense of the word. That she was not alone in this.

And what of Will? Spencer knew personally how deeply he loved JJ, and how much this was going to devastate him. He'd give anything if that weren't the case but there simply was no way around it. Someone was going to be hurt in this scenario and it was going to be Will. Spencer knew they were doing the right thing, that it couldn't be helped, but… he wished the consequences of them being together didn't have to harm someone else, possibly permanently.

He wasn't worried as much about Henry. Henry loved Spencer madly, and it was reciprocal. He knew that he would be there for Henry, unequivocally, and that the transition would go as smoothly as all the adults involved could make that happen for the little boy. He knew first hand the resiliency of children, and how adaptable they could be if everyone around them were fine with things. Spencer hoped that Will would be able to keep it together in front of the child. The last thing Henry needed was to see his father come unhinged. Unhinged… oh god what if Will got violent with JJ? The thought triggered Spencer's fight or flight reflex, panicking him for a moment, and he jumped when Morgan knocked on the bathroom door, telling him they were about to land, come get strapped in.

That wouldn't happen, he assured himself, as he opened the door and walked back to his seat, his outward calm masking the turmoil he felt at the moment. It wouldn't happen, and even if something did, even if he flipped out a little (because who could really blame him? Losing JJ, even now, would put Spencer himself in the psycho ward, he knew for a fact), she could take him. And no, no (and here calmer thoughts prevailed)… Will would never do that. It wasn't in his nature.

The team was quiet, as they always were at the end of a case, everyone tired, drained, and relieved that they'd managed to stop another lunatic from murdering any more people. Everyone buckled in and said nothing as they all felt the wheels touch the tarmac, each in his or her own head, each planning their own way of coming down off of this case. It was a weekend, so they wouldn't be called in unless an emergency happened, and each person's thoughts moved towards a precious few hours off, and how they would spend them. Despite all, Spencer was looking forward to starting this new, exciting chapter in his life. He dared to hope that something might actually go his way for once. And this time, love was in the air.


	5. Chapter 5

"Do you want me there?" Spencer asked as they walked to their cars.

The rest of the team had hit the tarmac and dispersed, with Rossi off to meet a lady friend, Hotch back to Quantico, Emily home, then on to Atlantic City, and Morgan and Garcia heading to her place for 'movie night' (whatever that meant to them, the team never asked).

"Yes. But you can't be." JJ answered.

"JJ I know you can handle things but what if he… I had a thought on the plane that what if he… loses it?"

"Spence. He won't. And if anything, with you there I might just have to pull him off you. I don't want there to be any more grief than necessary."

"What about Henry?" he asked.

"I asked my mom to pick him up. He'll be gone by the time I get there."

She opened her trunk and put her go-bag in, shutting it with a 'thunk', then turned to look at him, his sweet face a mask of concern. Taking a quick glance around to make sure the rest of them had left, she reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his, and squeezing. Her other hand went to his face, trying to smooth the lines of worry, unsuccessfully.

"I watched you sleeping on the plane and it was all I could do to stay in my seat. I wanted to come and wake you and be in your arms and have you tell me that we're doing the right thing. Spence, he's going to be so hurt."

His arms went around her then and he said "I know, I know. I'm not minimizing that at all, but JJ it can't be helped. I'm sorry it has to happen like this, but it… _has_ to happen."

She leaned her head against his chest and blinked back sudden tears. She felt his strong heartbeat against her cheek and it felt like home. She felt so safe in his embrace, her sense of belonging complete.

As hard as it was for her to pull away, she did and looked up at him. He bent to kiss her then, and in the warmth of his lips on hers, the _rightness_ of it, she found her resolve.

"I'll need to see you when it's done," she said, her voice even and firm.

"I'll be waiting all night if need be. You just do what you need to, however long it takes, and I'll be there for you afterward. I'll be waiting. Call me when you're on your way, alright?"

She nodded, and they moved apart. He held her car door open for her and bent for one last kiss as she buckled in. Touching her face he said "I'm proud of you. I don't envy you, but I'm proud of you."

She smiled at that and reached up to cover his hand with hers as they kissed, then pushed her forehead against his and said "Thank you. I love you."

He smiled at her and straightened as he shut the car door, patting it and giving a little wave, his lips pressed together.

"I love you back," he whispered as she drove away.

* * *

Will was standing at the granite counter in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of JJ's favorite red wine as she let herself in, dropping her go-bag right by the front door.

"Welcome home, _cher," _he said, walking over and handing her a glass, then moving to put his arms around her. She offered her cheek and he kissed it, lingering. "How'd it go?"

She cleared her throat and took a sip before setting the wine down on the coffee table. "We got him," she said simply. She moved to the sofa and sat, patting the cushion beside her. "Come sit."

He settled in beside her and moved in to kiss her again but her hand against his chest stopped him. He looked into her eyes and saw… what? Sorrow? What was this?

"When your mom said you wanted her to pick up Henry, I figured something was on your mind. I was hoping you just missed me, and wanted us to have some privacy."

JJ closed her eyes, then slowly opened them. She reached for her wine glass and took another sip, mostly to stall for time, but also hoping some of the velvety liquid warmth would help her find just the right words.

Will watched her gestures. He may talk slow, but he was a smart man, and intuitive when it came to her. "You do want privacy… but not because you missed me. JJ…"

"Will…" she began. "There's something very important I have to tell you. It's not going to be easy to hear, and you won't like it. Will you hear me out?"

He leaned back into the sofa, crossing his arms and slowly nodded, his eyes never leaving hers.

"We have to… I need… oh god…" This was proving harder than she'd even imagined. Tongue-tied under his scrutiny and struggling with words wasn't something she'd ever experienced.

"JJ, what?" he said, his voice quiet.

She took a deep breath and another sip of wine and said "We need to… I need to… make a change."

"What kind of change, cher?"

"Will please… I need us to not… we can't… be together any more."

"What did you just say?" he whispered, disbelief coloring his features.

"I said-"

"No no no no no… I _heard_ what you said!" he shouted, standing and putting his hands on his head. She stood too, and reached for him. He jerked his arm away from her and she covered her mouth with both hands. It was one of the only times she'd ever heard him raise his voice.

"JJ what… _why?_ You can't mean… our family? Why would you say that? What is this about? What did I do?" He looked at her, his hands spread open now, needing answers, wanting to believe this was all a mistake somehow.

She bit her lip to keep from crying and said "Will, it's not you! There's something I need, some_one_, and it's all on me! It's _my_ fault!

He started pacing, his hands balled into fists and his tears came then. "Someone? WHO? Who is it JJ, I swear to every god _I'll kill him!"_

"Will, stop! Come here, please come here and sit down and I'll tell you everything, I swear! Please, calm down!"

He stopped pacing and looked at her. His beautiful, his world, his everything. She was crying and upset and he couldn't believe the words coming from her mouth. He moved slowly back around the couch, struggling to control his anger, his panic… he had to fix this… maybe he could change this, change her mind.

He sat down next to her and saw her shaking hands. He took them in his and said "I can fix this, whatever it is, JJ please, I can fix it. If there's something you need, something I'm not doing, I can _fix_ it!"

Her heart broke with the plea in his voice. She knew there wasn't anything he could do that would make this ever work. He wasn't Spence. He wasn't Spence and that was the whole of it. And it wasn't his fault.

"Will, it's time. We've been moving through our lives like we're in a trance and I can't keep going on like this. I need more and what I need there is no possible way you can give to me. But you _can_ let me have it. You can let me have it by letting me go and if you love me? If you love me like I know you do you will let me go. You need to let me go."

He looked at her like she'd just shot him. In a way, she had. He put his head in his hands, hoping against hope that it was all a bad dream, and knowing it wasn't. He lifted his head and looked at her, agony etching every inch of his face. "You love this man? You're_ in love _with him?"

She nodded, and she'd never known the truth to feel so horrible. "God I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Will… but I do. Completely."

He shook his head. "No… you can't have known him for very long. This is pretty damn sudden for somebody you haven't known-" His head whipped around and realization hit him. "It's Spencer, isn't it? _Isn't it?"_

JJ just looked at him, silent. Her head gave an imperceptible nod and Will was on his feet again, head in hands. "Jesus, JJ! I always knew he had a crush on you but I never thought… he just isn't… god- _DAMN_ him! Has he – has he touched you? Have you slept with him? I swear if –"

"No, Will, stop. He hasn't, and wouldn't. Not while…"

"Not while you're still playing house with me, is that it? Is that why you're in such a rush to get out? So you can go fuck him? Well to hell with that! Don't let ME stop you!" He reached for her, gripping her arms roughly and stood her up, her teeth chattering together at the jarring impact.

In one swift move she batted both his arms away and put the coffee table between them, her face a wall of stone.

Will realized then what he'd done and instantly apologized. "God JJ, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…" He came around to her side where she stood and dropped to his knees. He reached up and took one of his hands in hers. "I've never touched you in anything but love. And now I'm losing you, and this is what I do? Forgive me. I won't touch you again."

She touched his upturned face, understanding. It seemed like there were no more words between them right now. She knew they'd talk again, they had a lot to figure out, but now she needed to leave. She stopped by the door and lifted her bag to her shoulder. Without turning around she said "Henry will be with mom for about a week. We'll figure most everything out by then. Please take care, Will." She left, closing the door quietly behind her.

Will's heart shattered into a thousand shards then and he let the tears come. Shocked and devastated, he sat flat on the ground, unmoving all night long.


	6. Chapter 6

She put the car in gear, her stomach twisted into knots. God she felt like such a bitch. Will had never been anything but good to her and an exemplary father to Henry. Yet that was why, when she realized her true feelings, that she _had_ to tell him the truth. She couldn't continue living the comfortable lie that was their life. Despite all his good qualities, she didn't love him like he deserved to be loved. Liked she loved Spence.

Like she loved Spence.

She couldn't wait to get to him. This was hard, hurting Will. It went against her nature, and she knew that more was to come, and she knew in her core it was the right thing to do… it was honest and she owed him that. But right now, she needed Spencer. She thought of him waiting for her… his soft touch, his strong arms, his warm, beautiful eyes looking into hers. She pressed the accelerator just a tad harder with her foot, and flipped on her blinker as she moved into the right lane…

and never saw the drunk driver that crossed the line, hitting her head on, plowing into and demolishing the front of her truck. Her airbag deployed, but it was like an iron fist into her face. Her truck spun around, screeching up on two wheels before falling back down on all four with a crash, then there was no movement at all, save the buzzing of her cell phone on the floor, the display showing simply:

Spence.


	7. Chapter 7

Hotch called him. The hospital had called JJ's Unit Chief as soon as she was brought in. Spencer flew to the hospital, obeying no traffic laws and nearly getting himself into an accident twice before screeching up to the entrance, leaving his car running as he leapt out, slowing down only long enough to find out what room she was in.

It was bad. Multiple contusions, head trauma, a broken clavicle, and concussion were on the short list… both her eyes were blackened and there was so much blood in her hair that it looked red. They'd stabilized her, but she was in a coma, and at this point, the doctors considered that a good thing.

Will had been called first, he was still her emergency contact, and he was sitting by her bed holding her limp hand, his eyes glued to her face. Spencer had called Morgan and everyone was on the way, but all he could see was JJ.

She lay there looking so fragile and small and broken. He noticed Will of course, but moved to her other side, picking up her chart along the way and checking the readouts on the machines she was hooked to.

He looked at Will across the bed and took a breath. "How did it happen?"

Will looked at him with red-rimmed eyes, his face a mask of grief and said "Get out."

Spencer looked back at him, his expression steely and said "That's not going to happen."

Will stood up, not letting go of her hand. "If she hadn't been going to see you, she'd be safe at home right this minute. _With me."_

Spencer said "Will, this isn't the time. All that matters-"

"_You think you need to tell me what matters right now?"_ His voice was a strangled whisper. "What matters is you need to get out of my sight. You need to leave us alone. I don't want you anywhere near her, or me, ever again. You hear me? That 'big brain' gettin' all this? Stay. The Fuck. Away." His bloodshot eyes bore into Spencer's, threatening.

"I'm not leaving her Will," he said calmly, "and I'm sure as hell not going to stand here and argue with you over her. She wants me here, you know she does."

"Well I don't. And I can _make you_ leave, either voluntarily or," he grabbed the front of Spencer's shirt and yanked him forward. "…not."

Hotch came into the room then, with Morgan right behind him. He took in the two men and asked "What's going on here?"

Will blinked, releasing Spencer, who immediately turned to JJ, looking for any signs of her regaining consciousness. He took her wrist and felt her pulse, measuring it. Will turned to Hotch and said, pointing at Spencer, "He needs to leave."

Hotch said "Reid, with me, now." As he moved to exit the room, Morgan stood at the foot of JJ's bed, and rested his hand on her foot.

"Go on, man. I'll be here," he said pointedly to Spencer, looking at Will, who ignored him, his attention turned back to JJ.

The two agents went into the hallway and Spencer said, looking over his shoulder, "He can't keep me from her, Hotch. I need to be in there with her. I know… I'm sure JJ would want me to be."

"Reid you need to fill me in here. Why is Will reacting to you like this? Tell me now."

Spencer looked down and exhaled, then made the decision to tell his boss, his friend.

"She'd left him, Hotch. She'd left him and was on her way to me. _To me,_ Hotch…" The misery in his face was evident.

Aaron Hotchner put his hands on the younger man's shoulders, not as surprised as he should've been. "Are you sure?"

Spencer just looked at him, somber.

"Then this is between the three of you, but I won't let anything jeopardize JJ's recovery."

"He's not her husband, Hotch. He can't have me banned, and I won't stay away from her. I need to be in there right now, in fact." He looked over his shoulder into the room again.

"No, he can't, but if either of you cause any trouble the doctor can and will eject you and I wouldn't blame him, understood?"

Reid nodded.

"Reid, this isn't your fault. Come on," Hotch said, returning to the room.

Will looked as if to move towards Spencer and Hotch put himself between the two men. Morgan bristled at Will's demeanor too, taking his cues from Hotch and Reid, although not understanding completely.

"Until JJ wakes up and settles this, I'm going to respect both of your rights to be here," Hotch said, looking Will straight in the eye. "…and so are you. What's most important is that we are all here for JJ, and that she makes a full and fast recovery. Are we clear?"

"Look Aaron, none of you need to be here. I can call you when she wakes up and-"

Spencer moved around the opposite side of the bed, catching JJ's hand and feeling for her pulse again just as Morgan shook his head. "Not gonna happen, man," the big man said to Will. "None of us are going anywhere."

Just then Penelope and Emily rushed in, breathless and worried, filling up the already crowded room. Will threw his hands up and turned back to hold JJ's other hand, sitting down hard in the chair and glaring at Spencer across the bed.

Morgan went to the two women and in his lowest, calmest voice, told them JJ's condition. Hotch gave a stern look to both Spencer and Will, then left to go speak to the doctor.

Spencer's whole world shrunk down to the tiny figure beneath the blanket. He took in her injuries and catalogued them, worrying anew with each thing noticed. Her warm, limp hand in his, he focused on watching her breath rise and fall in her chest. She wasn't on a ventilator, that was good. He busied his brilliant mind by trying to search for positives in this situation, indicators that she'd fully recover. He may as well have been alone in the room, as much as he noticed the team coming and going, or even Will. All he cared about was the damaged goddess in front of him. She was all that mattered. She was everything.

Morgan was the last to leave her room in favor of the waiting room, hesitant as he was to do so. He didn't feel comfortable leaving Will alone in there with Spencer, even though he didn't really know why yet. He had no idea why Will was so hostile to Reid, blaming him. The three of them sat there in silence, the beeping of JJ's monitors the only sound in the room.

Eventually Derek got up and went out to join the others, intending to keep one eye on the goings on in here.

"I have something to tell you all that I need you to keep within the team for now," Hotch began. "Reid divulged it to me out of necessity, and I'll ask you to respect him and JJ's privacy during this ordeal. We're all worried about JJ, but him more than any of us."

"Hotch, what?" Morgan prompted, worried.

"They're together." Hotch said. "Or trying to be. They've made that decision."

Everyone looked at each other, with Garcia smiling in spite of it all.

"Will is… not amenable to what they've decided, and my guess is that he intends to fight for the relationship." Hotch finished.

"Pfft," Emily said. "Like JJ is some damsel a duel will decide? If she loves Reid… and I think I speak for all of us when I say it's not really that much of a surprise… then Will 'fighting' for her is pretty misguided. We're not exactly on the playground, here."

"And it is none of our business. Again, keep this to yourselves unless Reid or JJ tell us otherwise. This accident threw a wrench into their plans, in more ways than one; she was on her way to him, having just told Will when it happened."

"Oh, my poor loves, _my babies!"_ Garcia said, standing and looking at them through the glass.

"Hey if this is what they both want, why is Will here?" Morgan asked.

"You don't just stop caring in one day." Emily said.

"I get that but he's acting like he's all in charge and Reid has no right to be in there. If I understand you correctly Hotch, he has more of a right than Will does. It's Reid that JJ is going to want to see first thing when she wakes up." Morgan replied.

"JJ's injuries are severe. I think everyone who knows her will want to be here, regardless of relationship status," Hotch said. "And this may very well cast a different light on things. It could go either way and we won't know her decision until she wakes up."

Morgan arched his eyebrows and went back in the room. He put his hand on Reid's shoulder before resuming his seat next to his friend. The situation clearer, his always protective instincts toward Reid kicked into high gear. Nobody was going to mess with him, or JJ, as long as Derek was around. He leaned back in his chair, one eye on Will, the other on Spencer, both men focused on JJ.


	8. Chapter 8

_She was running, but her shiny red shoes weren't touching the ground. Running and floating and everything was black, like black water but it was air and someone was coming and then lights and everything stopped. She stopped and there were hands, on her shoulders on her face covering her mouth in her hair but she wasn't scared. She felt strong. They pulled her, they pulled her braids but it was gentle and she floated in her pretty dress and she went with them. Birdsong, birds… beep beep beep and getting louder and the hands on her face turned to knives and there was pain and so much blood and it was sharp! And again! Knives in her face again and again and she screamed and she needed help! Oh god it hurt so much and she needed him, she was scared and she needed…_

"_SPENCE!"_she yelled, then she screamed again and she cried in between her screams oh god it hurt, the knives! _**"SPENCE!**_**"** And she couldn't see him or hear anything but screaming and it was her own.

She felt him then, a whisper against her ear, a hand in hers and she smelled him and heard him say "Shhh, I know it hurts but I'm here, I'm right here… _hurry up with that syringe – I told you to have it ready in case she wakes up! HURRY god she's in pain!_ Shhh… it's okay, it's okay JJ, JJ…shhh I know, I know…"

She stopped screaming then and listened to his voice, to his nonsense words and was reassured. And she was still crying but he was there. And then the pain was less but she was so confused. What was this, where…? And why couldn't she see? She could smell 'hospital' and as the blinding pain subsided she remembered… driving? Going to him, going to Spencer. Oh god was she in an accident? Did she crash?

And then his voice again, his calm, sweet voice and she was very still as she heard him say "JJ listen to me listen… do not try to move. I'm going to tell you everything, alright? You've been in a car crash, pretty bad and your head is injured and your eyes are swollen shut from the airbag, that's why you can't see. Your clavicle is broken and you have two cracked ribs… you're concussed, and you lost a lot of blood. You've been in a coma but now you're out and you're going to be okay…" he took a breath before continuing, "and we're all here. Everyone is here for you and I'm here and I'm not leaving okay? I'm not. I love you and god JJ I'm so glad you're awake…"

Groggy now from the pain medicine she was just so relieved he was there. "Spence…" she whispered, and she felt his soft hair against her nose as he leaned close. "Am I okay, am I going to die?"

She heard his voice catch in his throat, the smallest of sobs but he whispered back. "No, my strong, beautiful girl. You're going to be just fine… I promise."

Four days. Four days of silence, of no change, of him spending every moment with her. Of the team coming in shifts, and then everyone coming when they got off work. Of him not sleeping except when he rested his head beside her on the bed.

"Did you… does Will know?" she whispered, her throat dry, not knowing how long she'd been out.

Will was standing in the doorway, trying very hard to control himself. Seeing Spencer there with her and her obvious reaction to him was incredibly hard. But she would be okay… that is what mattered.

"I'm here, JJ. Don't you worry about anything, mkay? I'll make sure Henry stays with Sandy for the time being. We can talk about the rest later, you just get better, you hear me girl? He moved to her bedside.

JJ started crying again, softly this time, and said "I'm so sorry, Will."

Will caught Spencer's eye and said. "I know, cher." The two men looked at each other, somber. "The only thing that matters now is that you need to heal. Henry needs his mama to get all better real quick. Deal?"

"I know. Tell him mommy loves her baby star…" she whispered.

"I will. Get some rest now" he said as he turned to go.

Spencer was glad to see him leave, but he also appreciated the words of support he'd given JJ. The doctors came in to examine JJ as he leaned in and said "I'll be right back, beautiful. I'm just going right out here to tell the team you're awake and talking. Don't move, okay?" She squeezed his hand in reply.

He followed Will out to the hall and said "Thanks. Thanks for saying those things in there. I appreciate you not making it awkward for her-"

Will looked up at him and said "Shut up. Let's get this straight right now. I don't need you to say a damn thing to me. Not for the rest of our lives, do you get me? I do what I do for love of that woman in there and that is it. You may think you've got her boy, but let me tell you right now- I'm getting her back. Whatever this is? Isn't over."

Spencer squinted and put his hands in his pockets. "That doesn't make any sense. What, you think you can just 'make' decisions for her irrespective of what she wants and needs? Of what she's decided for herself?"

"JJ knows her own mind, Spencer. And so do I. I just think she's a little confused right now. She'll come around."

"Will, JJ didn't make her decision lightly. And I've got to say you're operating under a false premise right now. Things are as they are for a reason. That reason isn't going to go away."

"Fine, why don't you enlighten me, genius. What's the reason? That you're such a Casanova?" he smirked, then turned to walk away.

"No, it's that she doesn't love you. It's very likely she never did."

Will stopped and stiffened, but his back stayed straight and he continued walking, hands balled into angry fists. Spencer's words were like a sword in his heart, mostly because there may have been truth to them. And he knew it.

Spencer watched him go, then turned to the waiting area and let Garcia know that JJ had woken up. She'd tell the rest of the team.

He hadn't wanted to do that. Spencer knew that his words were his weapons and he could call on them at any time, but he wasn't ever deliberately cruel. Neither though, was he a liar. Will's words had scared him too, though he had tried not to show it. He knew that he and JJ belonged together, and he trusted her implicitly. But everything was all so new. What if during her healing process she began missing the comfort of the known, the familiar? What if… no, he didn't want to even consider it. After all these years of loving her she had finally committed to him and he knew in his core that they were solid.

He went and sat with her and whispered "I'm here, I love you," into her ear and she murmured a groggy response and squeezed his hand. Spencer settled in for the night, exhausted, and knowing there was a long road ahead of them both.

He couldn't think of anywhere on Earth he'd rather be.


	9. Chapter 9

"_Let us begin this letter, this prelude to an encounter, formally, as a declaration, in the old-fashioned way: I love you. You do not know me (although you have seen me, smiled at me). I know you (although not so well as I would like. I want to be there when your eyes flutter open in the morning, and you see me, and you smile. Surely this would be paradise enough?). So I do declare myself to you now, with pen set to paper. I declare it again: I love you."_

Spencer glanced up from what he was reading, and saw her soft smile as she slept. He read to her every day for hours until he was hoarse. Sometimes poetry, sometimes classic literature, and sometimes, like now, something from her favorite author. In the first days of her recovery she responded particularly well to tales of ancient Greek mythology, and that pleased him no end, since he just knew she was secretly a goddess.

The weeks had moved slowly, though he had marveled at her rapid healing process. The doctors attributed it to her youth and vigorous good health and condition pre-accident, but he liked to think it was just evidence of her superior being status. Or at least, that's what he told her. It made her laugh and he loved to hear that sound more than any other in the world.

She was still weak, but there had been no permanent brain damage, and her broken bones had knitted well and quickly. The one thing that was a constant worry was her eyesight. Although not totally blinded by her face and head injuries, she hadn't fully recovered her sight, either. Everything was dim and foggy to her, and in spite of the doctor's assurances that she was progressing normally, Reid thought it was taking too long. She was however, set to be released soon, contingent that she be monitored 24/7, a promise he was only too happy to make. A promise that didn't sit too well with Will.

He had been there almost every day too, missing only when Henry needed him. He had brought the child in too, as soon as the worst of her bruises had faded, and it was evident that Will was trying to play the Henry angle heavily, encouraging JJ to come back to the house for her convalescence, promising to move into the spare room for the duration, while looking for his own place.

Spencer saw it for the trap it was, and was thrilled when JJ was having none of it. She made it clear to Will that he needed to be out by the time she was released. JJ and Henry would continue to live there until they could sell the house and split the profit, so his disruption would be minimal. Will tried to argue that she needed him around to help her and she countered with a soft but firm "No, Will. Spencer will help me now." He would leave these discussions in deep anger, fuming visibly, but they couldn't be helped. She wasn't going to lie to him, and she was not going to give him false hope. All she could see of her future was her and Henry and Spencer together. She would willingly share custody of Henry, but she would never be with Will again, she knew. If Will had refused to move out, she would've had Spencer pack hers and Henry's things and take them to his place. Fortunately Will saw the logic in him being the one to leave, but he still wasn't convinced he couldn't get her back.

Spencer sat watching her sleep, his elbows on this knees, face in hands. He reached over with one hand and smoothed her hair back that had fallen into her closed eyes and counted his blessings for the millionth time since this had happened. He looked at her mouth, the delicate curve of her slightly parted lips so perfect, her bruises just faded shadows now. He loved how even after all these years he could be so enchanted with her features, features that were as familiar to him as his own.

He was glad for her that she hadn't been more damaged in the wreck, which wouldn't have mattered one iota to him, she would've still been his JJ, but he knew that it would have bothered her in the extreme to have been permanently disfigured. They were lucky, and he planned on celebrating their life and love every single day as soon as she got out of here. Until then, he'd download her favorite songs and movies on her tablet, and read her to sleep until he had no voice. He'd rub her feet and refill her water and put a cold cloth on her eyes when they felt strained. He'd waste no minute he had with her, and no minute he did have was a waste, as long as they were together.

He lifted her hand to his lips just as Garcia came trundling in bearing gifts of Sudoku and homemade cookies.

"Aww, lookit you all romantical and hand-kissy!" she said.

Spencer looked up and put a finger to his lips. "Hey Garcia, she's sleeping now," he whispered. "What ya got there?"

"Milk-chocolate macadamia nut for Peaches, and puzzles…" she whipped out a stack of booklets, "with brand new, ball point pens for big-brained Boy Wonder."

"Thank you, thanks. You do know I can do one of those books in like… 6.59 minutes?" he smiled.

"Duh. That's why I brought you ten of them." She set them down with a thud. "By my calculations that's 70 minutes of boredom-free fun for one Doctor Reid."

He reached around for a hug and Penelope leaned down and planted a kiss on the top of his head. "You okay, kiddo?"

"I'm fine. I'm not the one in the bed." He said, deflecting.

"Yeah, I know. But it's not easy on loved ones of the injured, either. You've been here all day, every day, using up all your leave time. How you holding up?"

He looked down. "I can't imagine being anywhere else and I've got plenty of leave time accrued, but I'll be glad to get her home, let's put it that way."

"Sure, I get that. Has Will moved out yet?"

"I don't know. He doesn't speak to me and JJ hasn't said anything. But that's the plan."

"Still thorny with him, huh? Sounds like he still hasn't accepted it."

"He can feel however he wants. JJ and I are moving forward with our plans and I don't have the energy to worry about him right now."

"Okay."

Spencer looked up at her. "I'm sorry Garcia, I didn't mean to sound…"

"No, really, it's okay. I know you've got stuff. No biggie. Just sit still now and listen to Aunt Penelope fill you in on the office gossip." She pulled up a chair and scooted close to him. Spencer smiled and turned to listen, pleased for the diversion and the news, and happy his colorful friend was there for a while.

* * *

"How can I be so worn out from just a car ride?" JJ asked, leaning on Spencer as he opened the front door.

"Beautiful, you haven't been out of bed in 52.4 days. You're gonna be weak for a while." He looked down at her, the huge sunglasses she was supposed to wear, even indoors, hiding almost her entire face. She looked so cute. Spencer picked her up as they came inside, and she gasped a little, startled. He carried her into her room and set her down on the bed, leaning down to take off her shoes.

"Spence, I can do that…" she began.

"Just let me," he said. "You won't need me to do this very much longer."

She reached over and ran her hands through his hair. "No, but I'll always need you."

"Mutual," he said as he leaned forward, putting a hand on either side of her on the bed. "I'm going to kiss you now… and then you're going to crawl under the covers and rest, and then-"

"Stop talking," she said as she cupped his face in her hands. She touched her lips to his and as he responded in kind she sighed his name against his mouth. He tasted so good and he was so warm and she just wanted to feel him, all of him against her. She leaned back and pulled him on top of her, Spencer making sure to put no weight on her but he'd been long denied this too and he couldn't help but respond. He moved to his side and pulled her against him so they were facing each other, his hand sliding up her back under her shirt and JJ gasped as she felt his soft touch, his skin on hers.

They kissed for long minutes, hands roaming everywhere and Spencer got lost in her. Her smell, her soft hair, her skin under his hands and he couldn't stop touching her. He didn't care they were on the bed she'd shared with him, he didn't care that anyone could walk in at any moment, all he knew right then was her. She reached her hand down and rubbed his hardness through his pants and breathed his name against his ear and he couldn't stop himself, releasing right there, right then. He groaned against her throat and she felt him come, felt him jerking in her grasp and she crooned into his ear, loving that he'd lost control, that he'd been that excited from just her touch.

She opened her eyes and he was already looking for her, his warm hazels half-closed and glittering. "JJ I'm sorry,' he breathed, embarrassed. "I didn't… couldn't hold back, I-"

She reached up and grabbed his face, kissing him quiet and smiled against his mouth. "Shhh, Spence… it was sexy," she murmured. "You beautiful man, I love it that I can make you feel that, don't you know?"

"But you."

She smiled again and kissed him. "There will be many, many more times baby. Many (kiss), many (kiss), many more.

He looked into her beautiful blue eyes then and felt tears pushing behind his own. His heart swelled with love for her and he didn't want to move, didn't want any of this moment to end. She nuzzled against his throat and murmured "Sexiest second base ever..." and as he held her close, he let his tears fall. They slept that way then, on top of the covers, fully clothed, and in each other's arms, both of them full of hope and promise for what tomorrow would bring.


	10. Chapter 10

"Well. Isn't that _nice."_

Spencer woke to the sound of the other man's sarcasm, glancing up at the doorway where Will stood… holding Henry and a bag of bagels.

He moved slowly, disentangling himself from JJ and whispering to her "Wake up, beautiful, Henry's home.

JJ's eyes flew open and a smile immediately lit her face, until she saw Will.

He stood scowling, dropped the bag, and lowered the squirming boy to the floor, who then immediately launched himself at Spencer, climbing into his lap.

"Uncle Spence! Hi! Why are you in mommy and daddy's bed?"

"Henry, hi! I was taking care of mommy and I fell asleep too! How are you today?"

JJ reached for Henry, one eye on Will who stood rooted to the spot, fuming, and Henry leaned over for his morning kiss.

"Fine, Uncle Spence, I'm hungry! Mommy, is he having breakfast with us too?"

"I think so, would you like that?"

"YAY!" Henry yelled, throwing his arms up in the air.

Spencer said "Henry, why don't we see what we can find in the kitchen?" He scooped up the little boy and sidled past Will who didn't move an inch out of the way. He nervously puttered in the kitchen with Henry, making coffee and toaster waffles while straining to hear what was being said in the bedroom.

"In OUR bed, JJ? THIS is how you want to break this to Henry? Not to mention can you imagine how that felt to me? To see you in his arms in OUR bed?

JJ moved slowly, hanging her legs over the edge of the bed and setting her jaw. His attitude angered her. "Oh calm down, Will. It wasn't like you caught us en flagrante. We're both fully dressed and didn't even make it under the covers before we passed out. Not to mention, YOU don't live here any more, and I do not have to justify anything I do with Spencer to you or anyone else. That man in there is going to be here A LOT, so you'd better get used to it. Next time, knock. I'll also need you to leave your key."

Will looked at her, his eyes huge. He didn't believe she was saying all this to him. This was his worst nightmare, and all she could say was "shut up and leave your key"?

JJ put up her hands and said "Look Will, I'm sorry to have to say all this, but I've been really patient as I've watched you try and work every angle, always angry, disrespecting everything I've told you I need from here on out, disrespecting Spencer – who, by the way has never disrespected you_ once._ What's the meaning of bringing Henry here this early today? You KNEW Spence would be here. You knew it. Were you hoping that… what? There'd be some kind of confrontation?

"No! I didn't want there to be a fight! I never wanted there to be a fight! I never wanted ANY of this! All I wanted was a chance to put our family back together. JJ I miss you so much, and I've been there with you through all of this… how can you… just throw me away?"

Although Spencer couldn't make out what they were saying, he could hear their raised voices and he was torn between going to make sure JJ was alright, and keeping the little boy away from his parents at the moment. "Hey Henry, didn't you just get a new puzzle? I love puzzles, why don't we go to your room and eat our waffles in there? Sound good?" Henry nodded and Spencer decided to sing The Wheels On The Bus fairly loudly as they made their way to his room, hopefully masking the sound of cross words.

"Will it isn't about that. We're going to be in each other's lives forever because of Henry and you know that. I'd never try to keep you away from each other. You will always be his father. You and I just won't be together. Why would you want to deny me this? Why would you want to force your way back into my life when you know I love someone else? Can't you see how empty and hollow my life would be without him?

Will scrubbed his face with his hands and said quietly "No. No, I can't see that right now JJ. All I can see is how empty my life is going to be without _you_." He slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out his keyring, taking the house key off and handing it to her, gently closing her fingers around it. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, then squatted down in front of her, still holding her hand.

He looked up and saw the tears in her eyes when he said "I can't believe we're done, cher. I can't believe my life is… this… from now on. I love you more than anyone in the world except Henry. You two _are_ my world… even if I'm not yours." He stood up to go, he wiped his eyes and said "If you ever need me, you call, girl. I'll be there."

* * *

Henry came flying in, Spencer close behind and jumped onto the bed next to JJ. His face was smeared with syrup and he leaned up to kiss her cheek. She wiped her eyes quickly and put on a smile for her sticky son, and he looked at her with a serious face. "I'm glad you're better mommy. I missed you."

"Henry I missed you so much. Come here, baby star," she pulled him onto her lap, looking at Spencer over the top of his blonde hair, she shook her head, pursing her lips together. Spencer took her meaning and came over, taking her hand in his. The look that passed between them was one of understanding. He knew this wasn't easy for her, and that she didn't do any of this lightly. He was deeply proud of her for doing what she knew in her heart was the right thing, and he so admired her courage.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Well, how could I be anything else with my little man in my lap?" she smiled and Henry grinned up at her. "Hey why don't you go wash that syrup off your face, kiddo, then come back and watch some Disney channel with me?"

He wriggled down off the bed and went into the bathroom. Spencer moved to JJ, bending forward to hold her face. "Do you need anything?" he asked. "I need to, y'know, go home and get cleaned up… but I'll be gone less than an hour."

"We'll be fine, but bring back some clothes. No sense you running back and forth all the time when everything we need is right here." Her hand went to his face too, and she said "Thank you."

Spencer cocked his head. "For what?" he asked.

"For having my back. For caring. For loving me."

He leaned in for the softest of kisses, her lips feeling like warm silk against his. He reached up and wiped some syrup off her cheek with his thumb and licked it. "Yum. How can I not when you taste so good?"

She smacked his arm as they both laughed a little. "Alright, go! And hurry back!" she bossed.

He got to the doorway and looked back at her. "Seriously though, hey… I'm really proud of you. I know this is tough."

She nodded and threw a pillow at him. "Go!" And she smiled as he ducked and ran out shouting "And I'm buying you a new bed today!"


	11. Chapter 11

Spencer got home and was surprised to find it seeming so empty. His apartment had always been his refuge, done in muted colors, and furnished with comfortable, worn leather chairs and sofa, plush throw rugs, soft lighting with special lamps to read by, with dark, heavy mahogany bookshelves lining every wall, nearly floor to ceiling.

It was perfect for him and he loved it. Usually. Now any time away from JJ just made him miss her, and he couldn't wait to get back to her. Just thinking about her, the way she'd lain against him, stroking him, the smell of her hair, her body pushed against his…

He walked back to his bedroom, removing clothes as he went, throwing them into an open hamper in his closet. He strode naked into the bathroom, craving a good shower. He'd cleaned up as best he could at JJ's after he'd come against her, and the memory of it, while slightly embarrassing, began his arousal anew. Spencer had always been incredibly sensitive in his nether regions, the slightest rub or brushing up against something, even by accident was arousing, and he never gave it much thought, other than thinking that most people must be like that too. He rather enjoyed it, actually.

He turned on the warm water and let it get hot, stepping into the deep, 1940s-style inlaid tub. He moved under the stream, setting the shower head to pulse, and grabbing the soap as his thoughts turned to JJ once more. He thought about the soft skin of her throat and her shoulders that he'd wanted to touch for years, her warm hugs that she'd always given, melting herself into him.

The bathroom began to get steamy, and he gasped as he leaned into the stream, water pelting against his stiffening cock. He leaned back against the tiles as his arousal grew, his thoughts filled with JJ, imagining her naked body, his hands fondling her breasts… he ran his hands through his wet hair and he turned so the stream was fully hitting his cock. The sensation of the hot water and his thoughts of JJ bringing him near climax already, and he moaned as his breath came faster. He gently thrust his hips in time to the pulsing of the water and he pressed his hands against the tile, knowing he didn't even have to touch himself for the forceful stream to make him come. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, moaning as he thought of JJ's pretty mouth on his cock, her supple lips surrounding him, sucking him, his hands in her hair and…"_aaahhhUUHHHH," _he groaned as he ejaculated, so hard, shooting cum with every thrust of his hips, his cock red and throbbing, jerking with the intensity of his orgasm. He lifted his head, breathing hard and whispered "oh my god… that was... wow."

Through half-lidded eyes he languorously finished soaping up his slender body, the slippery suds washing away the worries of the past day… he rinsed, then shut off the water and grabbed a fluffy towel off the stand by the tub, running it over his hair and then tucking it around his trim waist. He went back into the bedroom and took a duffle bag down from the shelf in the closet, and started to pack a few things, tossing some socks and underwear into the bag and dropped his towel before leaning over to put on a fresh pair of boxers. His phone interrupted and he went to answer, glad it was JJ.

"Hey beautiful," he answered, still naked and a little breathless.

"Hey yourself. Just wanted to say hi."

His heart swelled at her sweet gesture, and he sat on the bed's edge, flattered and touched.

"Hi back, and I love you. I'm almost dressed and then I'm heading back. Do you or Henry need anything?"

"No, we both took a short nap, and it was surprisingly effective. For the first time in days I don't feel worn out."

He smiled. "Ahh, I'm so glad to hear that. You amaze me, how fast you're healing, how well you're doing already."

"Yeah, I'm pretty amazing," she said, then they both laughed.

"Yeah, oh, and _conceited."_ He tossed back at her.

They both laughed again and she said "There's something else… mom called and she wants to take Henry for a day or so."

"How do you feel about that?"

"At first I told her no, I've missed him so much, Spence. But there's a new water park she wants to take him to, and I'd feel like a big meanie if I didn't let him go."

"Yeah, you're that alright," he snorted.

"You aren't helping."

"Aw, well… do what you feel is best, of course. It's your call. I'm good either way. Henry is always a blast to have around."

"I was hoping you'd say that. How is it you always manage to say the perfect thing?"

"I'm a genius," he replied, smiling into the phone.

She laughed again and said "Yes… yes you are. MY genius."

His heart leapt to hear her say so, and he felt himself stirring again, the blood rushing to his cock from the purr in her voice. "Ahh, JJ. You have no idea what you do to me when you talk like that…"

"Oh, I think I have some idea," she said, wickedly. "Hurry back."

"God beautiful, I will," he promised. "Oh but I do have to make one stop first. You sure you're okay?"

"Fine, Spence. Are you?"

He reached down and began touching himself, stroking it up and down as they talked. God, her voice was like an injected sex drug. He couldn't stop his response, but all he said was "I'm… more than okay."

Her next sentence was like a lightning bolt to his cock. "Are you naked?"

"What? No!" he said, too quickly.

"I think you're naked. I think you just got out of the shower and you're sitting there naked talking to me right now."

"JJ-"

"I hear your breathing, Spence." She dropped her voice an octave. "What if I said I was?"

"_Ahh, JJ"_ he said again.

"What if I said I was just getting ready to shower, myself? What if I said your voice, and thinking of you in all that steamy hot water is getting me… wet?"

He moaned lightly, moving his hand up and down his shaft. He felt lit from within and wanted her so badly right then. He lay back on the bed.

"That's my man," she said. You're touching it, aren't you? Are you stroking it slowly, Spence? Listen to me. I want you to do exactly as I tell you, alright?"

He nodded, then whispered "Yes…"

"Close your eyes…"

"Okay…"

"Now picture me, with nothing on, pressing up against you, kissing you, my arms around you, lightly scratching your back, my breasts pressing against your chest…"

"God, JJ…"

"Shhh… now imagine I'm going lower, I lick first one, then the other of your nipples, as my hand moves down to rub your cock and stroke your balls… you feel my soft hair against your chest and your hands are on my tits, squeezing them and lightly pinching my nipples and then…"

"_Ah…tell me,"_ he whispered, panting, stroking harder now.

"I slide down between your knees and lightly lick the tip of your hard cock, swirling my tongue around and moving my hand up and down your shaft… like you're doing now. Then I take you in my mouth Spence, baby… I lick you and suck your cock and take you all in, as far as you go, and I'm stroking you, sweet man, all at the same time and it's so hot and you taste sooo gooood…"

Spencer cried out her name as he came again, just as hard, maybe harder, shooting endless streams against his stomach and nothing had ever prepared him for what he was feeling. The physical was overwhelming, but it was the emotional, the connection that was the best part. It was over in just minutes, but his body was spent, completely and totally relaxed, and buzzing in the afterglow.

He picked up the dropped phone and murmured "Wow," for the second time that day.

"Pretty cool, huh?" she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "I'll see you soon, beautiful man. I love you."

He felt her warmth radiating through the connection and he said, groggy, "JJ I love you too, so much. Thank you, that was… astounding."

"_You're_ astounding. Hurry back," she said.

They broke the connection and Spencer's arm flopped to his side, dropping the phone again. So THIS was what total sexual satisfaction felt like. He felt wonderful, completely relaxed, completely sated, and at peace. The only thing that would possibly make it better is if she were actually there with him. How had he ever gone this long without it? He knew, it was without a doubt, because he had gone this long… without _her._


End file.
